I do regret I am unable
to lunch today
it has been quite the
week you must understand
between he said and she
said and who said?
but when that gun said
oh dear all went quiet!
Madame forgive me, I
stained your rug
will bleach help? maybe
some tide?
maybe you can cover it
with furniture…
it’s your house, Madame,
only my temporary stay
He was your husband, Madame,
only my temporary everything
oh, how I regret I cannot
make it to lunch…

I’ve wasted all these years
Looking for something I
Wasn’t ready for yet
You eluded me as I
Eluded you and we
Eluded each other

Each day rolled on
The pit in my stomach
Grew larger and darker
You searched for me as I
Searched for you and we
Searched for each other

But with each moment
We came closer to
Finding each other
You found me as I
Found you and we found
Each other.

the pain of losing what you never had
rivals that of losing what you did
losing what you were once acquainted with
is like growing up with the perfect brownie
but never being able to find a recipe that
can quite fulfill that memory of baking
with mom in the kitchen
to be so incredibly familiar with something
only to never again fulfill that familiarity
is being unable to satisfy that craving
until one day you have to accept that
nobody’s – and i mean nobody’s
brownies are as good as momma made
but losing what you never had is like
fantasizing about a brownie far
greater than momma’s
building up a whole scene in your mind
dreaming about it day in and day out
getting so close to it you can almost taste it
but never being able to achieve it
then, all of a sudden, you aren’t satisfied
with momma’s once delicious brownies
instead, you’ve ruined all brownies
because instead of being content with
the brownies you did have for the time
you dreamt of something bigger, better
to the point that if you did find momma’s recipe
it wouldn’t even matter anymore

My heart is forsaken
It’s wrapped up in chains and it’s achin’
My heart is… oh it’s crying
It’s screaming it’s sobbing
It’s tearing up breaking up dying
Yes, I’m dying

Why did you leave me, left me all alone
God I can’t breathe
It’s eating alive my soul
I’m trying to do better, don’t you understand
I’d be the perfect woman
If you’d be the perfect man

Honey, my heart is forsaken
But all these big strong men wanna take it
They wanna hold it for themselves
To feel all the pain they’ve never felt.

i wish i could fly away beside you
forever with the wind beneath my wings
in the sky each desire is never out of reach

melancholy

can you hear me?
I’m talking
do you believe me?
I’m telling the truth!
I’m in this tiny
little box and I’m
drowning in your
melancholy.

your heart, it pulses
against my throat
your eyes, they bore
into my own
your mouth, it whispers
it’s okay

it doesn’t feel okay
my head is screaming
for logic, but as an
emotion-ruled girl, I
can’t find any

why can’t you hear me?
maybe my lips aren’t moving
but can’t you hear my innocence?
do you believe me?
two truths and one lie –
I’m breaking, I have no air, I’m not
ready
I’m trapped in your tiny
little box, four walls, a floor and a ceiling
encasing me, only to
drown me in your melancholy.

0978

lady day
you can have
my soul
take it for
your own
wrongdoings
just promise
me you’ll
treat it
right

0293

the rain parts like a curtain
dividing my past and my future
but i am stuck beneath the drape
behind me it’s clear, safe
before me it’s dark, uncertain
and right here, where i stand,
where i’m glued, never to go
back and never to stumble
forward.

839

i am a doe
swallowed by
your shadow

saved

i keep going to your footstone to pray
but fuck, i’m not even christian
the closest thing i came to christianity
was you dragging my sinful ass to church
every sunday and impressing your cultish
ways into my ignorant head. i don’t
know why you kept trying, since after
every service you’d reassure me that i am
definitely going to hell, and that i better
enjoy my time with you before you flew
up into those pearly white gates of heaven,
where you’d hold jesus’s hand and pray
for my soul. what makes you think you’re
good enough to hold his hand? why would
he want to touch a plan that slapped the
shit out of its soulmate, that spent
countless hours telling her how broken
she was, how stupid, how ugly, how
replaceable. if only you had replaced me;
that would have been a hurdle i could
have jumped, but no, you kept me. strangled
me, scared me, instilled in the incredible
intolerance for mirrors. even dead i sit
beneath you, so let me move to your headstone.
you lucky bastard, i scream at your name,
you got off too easy. you didn’t get a chance
to know my fury. what would you think of me
now? am i strong enough yet? would you scold
me for being too hotheaded? would you be able
to handle me? jesus did you a favor, taking
you away from me, for my hand would be a lot
less kind. i’ll become a christian, for you.
after all, there must be a god for your
sorry ass to have been saved